"ONE JACK OFF"? "ACE HOYLE"? IS OUR ENTIRE STAFF PEELING THEIR BEER BOTTLES?
Bookmark and Share
..................................................................................
RSS
..................................................................................
NEWSLETTER
..................................................................................
SEND TO A FRIEND

HOT OFFERS HOT OFFERS HOT OFFERS

CASINO TROPEZ

Bonus:  $200
At AceHoyle.com we like to track down the best in the online-gaming biz and serve it up with extra ice....

888.COM

Bonus:  $1400
If Star Trek hadn’t used it first, “To boldly go where no man has gone before” could have easily been the slogan for 888.com....

VEGAS RED

Bonus:  $888
Closing out the Top 3 on our list of “Aceworthies” is Vegas Red Casino, an online casino that brings Vegas-style vibes right into your living room....

EUROPA CASINO

Bonus:  $2400
If Casino Tropez is queen of the online casino world and Vegas Red is its fun-loving gal next door....

CASINO DEL RIO

Bonus:  $600
Behind Ace’s slick, city-boy exterior lives a tree-hugging hippie aching to break free....

TITAN POKER

Bonus:  $200
We here at AceHoyle.com like Titan Poker – we like it a lot. It’s kind of new, that’s true – in fact, it’s only been around since 2005....

PACIFIC POKER

Bonus:  $400
PacificPoker.com rings in as Team Hoyle’s runner-up, though really we could just as easily have given it our No. 1 slot....

PARTY POKER

Bonus:  $100
You may be wondering how we here at AceHoyle.com can bust the world’s most popular online poker room....

RED KINGS POKER

Bonus:  $2500
As No. 4 on AceHoyle.com’s Top 10 list of online poker rooms, RedKings isn’t in its spot beside the big dogs for nothing....

EVEREST POKER

Bonus:  $200
Most Everest Poker reviews are quick to mention the room’s dedication to inexperienced players, and trite as it may seem, we here at AceHoyle.com are following suit....

ACE'S FAVORITES
#1 CASINO TROPEZ
Overall Rating: 9.8
...............................................................
#2 888.COM
Overall Rating: 9.75
...............................................................
#3 EUROPA CASINO
Overall Rating: 9.5
...............................................................
#4 Prime Casino
Overall Rating: 9.1
...............................................................
#5 Casino.com
Overall Rating: 9.05
...............................................................
#1 TITAN POKER
Overall Rating: 9.85
...............................................................
#2 PACIFIC POKER
Overall Rating: 9.8
...............................................................
#3 EVEREST POKER
Overall Rating: 8.95
...............................................................
 One Jack Off

17-March-2010


As the old poker saying goes, “It’s no fun to be a jack off.” Take my recent trip to the Horseshoe Casino for example: It rained jacks all over my ass, and when that didn’t wear me down, Fate came back with a hurricane.

It began when I drew pocket jacks—then proceeded to draw the same hand three more times in a half hour. I flopped trips to three of them, but they all got beat. It was brutal.

The first time, I raised with them in late position only to have a limper re-raise me all-in. I knew the guy had pocket aces from go, and I knew I had fold equity. But, despite my better judgment, I paid it off.

After that I flopped J-8-3—top set—and got called, but then got check-raised on the turn when a straight flush card hit. Once more I called, and wouldn’t you know, the river brought a fourth flush card.

That time I had a bit more sense and folded when my opponent—some frowsy old dude with a beard—fired again. Still, waiting so long to get out of it had put a sizeable dent in my chips, and that in itself was enough to put me on tilt.

Now, obviously, going on tilt is never good. But what made it worse than usual this time was the next pair of jacks I drew only minutes later. This time I was on the big blind and thought, “Raise it, thank you very much.”

The flop came 10-4-2, and I read the dame across from me for trip 10s. But I wasn’t about to get bullied out this time and went all-in. “Get it fixed, Cinch,” I thought. “Lightening can’t strike thrice.”

Of course, as you’d expect, I again wound up one jack off from the pot and found myself digging into my left pocket for my rainy-day money.

The coup de grace that put me on the road was a flop of K-J-2. The guy under the gun bet right out, I raised and he moved all-in over the top. If I was on tilt before, now I was boiling. I couldn’t fold that damned hand just in case, for the only time that night, my jacks pulled through.

I put my chips in despite fearing my jacks would get cracked again. The caller could have had trip deuces, or maybe kings and jacks. There was no getting away from it, and I paid it off with no win but the case jack. I was one jack off indeed.

At that point I’d had enough and was heading out when I stopped by the “big game” to watch a hand. There were a couple raises heads-up, and the flop came 9-6-3. They call that flop a “gig” in some precincts. I have no clue why, but I‘m assuming it‘s got something to do with math.

Anyway the players got all-in on the flop and the first guy turned up two jacks. The other guy then did this leaning-forward thing to scope out the other guy’s hand, and a little slower than usual, slowrolled. It was also pocket jacks.

It was a case of jacks raining all over Brother Cinch—both playing and watching—and I took it for a sign that the universe my number. I went straight on vacation to Florida, hoping I could leave all those jacks in my rear-view mirror.

Turns out, though, there’s a ton of private Texas Hold em games in the retirement village I was visiting, and they twisted and twisted and twisted my arm till I agreed to play. It was a $200 buy-in tourney. I went out on the bubble, beat by—wouldn’t you know it—two jacks.

Still, despite the voodoo funk I’m apparently in, I heartily resemble the idea that I’m one or even two jacks off. After all, it’s happened to better men than me. And as another saying goes, “All you can do is play the hand you’re dealt.”



By: Dave Cinch
dave.cinch@acehoyle.com



To avoid legal redress under international copyright law reprinters must cite the name of the above article's author and that author's e-mail address, and they must link to its publishing site: www.acehoyle.com.