Our main reason for making Pacific Poker our second-best online poker site is that the site only draws about 2,000 heads during peak hours. Of course, the room’s parent company, 888, likes to say it’s a haven for all the fish that used to school at Lucky Ace – and we definitely agree that there are enough hard-bitten sharks at Lucky Ace to scare off a whole planet of noobs. But the official 888 spiel doesn’t quite account for PacificPoker.com’s low turnouts, and we suspect the very fact that it keeps telling everyone, “Hey! Pacific has lots of fish! Come and get ‘em!” could have something to do with it. Seriously, if you were a less-than-confident player would you join an online poker room that advertises your demise when you could just as easily sign up for an amateur-friendly site like Titan Poker or Everest Poker? We rest our case.

Still, if 888’s press releases do tell us one thing, it’s that all 2,000 or so of PacificPoker.com’s existing brood make up one reliably ballsy – or dumb – bunch: The room’s Holdem, Omaha, Seven-Card Stud, Seven-Card Stud Hi-Lo and Omaha Hi-Lo games play uncannily like those at the Las Vegas Paris after the waitresses have gotten everyone good and tight. And yet few players at most Pacific Poker tournaments, including sit-‘n-go tables, seem willing to take their poker playing to the next level. By Pacific Poker.com’s own estimates, in fact, some 70 percent of its Holdem players stay in till the River – leaving us to wonder what the heck the sharks passing this place up are thinking!

As for promotions, we get a similar kick out of how most Pacific Poker bonuses lead the online pack, but haven’t helped the room break the 2,000 mark one bit. You see, unlike most rooms, which hold onto their sign-up rewards until a new player has reached a certain number of points, Pacific gives everyone making a first-time deposit 25 percent of their full return - up to 400 big ones - immediately. To break it down, this means that if you deposit $400 today, you get an extra $100 to play with within minutes. Of course, you can’t just buy in, then withdraw your new dough. But anything you win using it is yours to keep.

Other notable Pacific Poker bonuses include its $500 First Depositors’ Freerolls. These promotional tournaments give new signups a chance to get in on seven events for absolutely nada. Now, as Pacific Poker tournament pots go, sure, the First Depositors’ variety are a little on the slim side. But they do give all those loony sharks – who, for Lord knows what reason, can’t take a hint – a chance to score $3,500 just for signing up. Plus, 888 is so desperate to lure more players to PacificPoker.com that they’re currently throwing in spots in a special $1,000 Depositors’ Freeroll for anyone who hands over more than $50 at signup. It’s, like, man! Why the heck would anyone pass this place up?!

But, so yeah: the final verdict in this here Pacific Poker review is that the AceHoyle.com team thinks it’s a frickin’ awesome room, but that there simply aren’t enough noobs for experienced players to snack on. As a result, we just can’t help but give it our almost-first prize – with the clarification that, if 888 laid off its come-get-the-fish-at-PacificPoker.com bullhorn for five seconds, things might turn around.